The main cause of almost all psychological disorders (depression, anxiety, ptsd, etc.) is an inability to relate to people, to be in relationship, when we are stressed. A 5 year old hitting a classmate, 12 year old screaming at mom, 16 year old with no friends and only wanting to sit in their room in the dark all the time. These kids may be diagnosed with any number of disorders, but the root cause is they do not know how to handle a relationship well with someone else when they are stressed.
It’s no coincidence when I meet with the parents of a child who is struggling with any number of issues there is almost always some kind of family relationship that is not going well. If we want our children to have healthy relationships, we need to model ones with them. If you or another adult has a strained relationship with the child, the child is probably going to have other strained relationships. There is no real way around this.
But, if you want your child to be able to relate with others in a healthy way, the best thing you can do is work on your relationship with them. If you feel disconnected from your child or can’t relate to them, they probably feel the same way. And if they feel that way regarding their relationship with you, they will probably feel that way about their friends and classmates.
Best way to help them with their friend and classmate relationships is to build the relationship between you and them. This is something very doable and easy. Because it’s not about completely understanding each other, it’s knowing we are safe with each other. It’s your child knowing they can come to you when they are struggling with something, and they will be listened to. It’s them knowing they are important to you.
If a child feels emotionally safe with their parent(s) they have more emotional resiliency and can deal more effectively with their struggles. But if they feel disconnected from the parents it will make it difficult for them to deal with relationship struggles with their friends and classmates.
